BREAD WINNER VS BREAD WINNER: 5 SOLUTIONS TO CHALLENGES OF EQUALITY IN MODERN DAY MARRIAGES

BREAD WINNER VS BREAD WINNER: 5 SOLUTIONS TO CHALLENGES OF EQUALITY IN MODERN DAY MARRIAGES

"Mr. man, don't insult me, you know that everything you have i can also afford, and even more". - this statement from a wife to her husband is the reason for this write up.

You will agree with me that before now, all a man wanted from a woman in relationship was respect, healthy/delicious meals and good sex. A woman in turn had no choice than to respect and submit to the man whom she depended on as the breadwinner, the pillar and the roof of the home and in some cases the sole provider of her needs.

In those days men go out to work and bring food and money, while women stayed at home to care for the family and prepare meals before the man returns.

But it seems all that have changed now. The woman needs better reasons to love, submit and respect her man while the man needs a lot more than money to buy the heart of a lady, especially ladies with substance.

The issue is how can a man and a woman find fulfillment, feel respected, find mutual and uncompromising love in a world were couples are equal in all social fronts and stratum. I am talking about Money VS Money, Prestige VS Prestige, Exposure VS Exposure, Busy schedule VS Busy schedule, Connection VS Connection, Social status VS Social status, Certificates VS certificates and you can add to the list.

And in some cases women are the head of the family (in terms of financial output).

This write up is inspired by a statement I overheard my neighbor’s wife make to her husband in the midst of a fisticuff. she said "Mr. man, don't insult me, you know that everything you have I can also afford, and even more".

These could be an issue of concern especially to an average African couple/Family. Because it seems the purpose, expectations and even interpretation of marriage differs from race to race and continent to continent, but needless to go into that.

An average African man would not trade respect and total submissiveness of a woman for anything. This is why despite the level of civilization in Africa which comes with culture mix and its attendant compromises to what is supposed to be acceptable norms and doctrines, not much has changed in terms of family and marital life in Africa.

Despite the glamour for gender equality, the truth remains that women most times abandon the equality they seek when the variables are not to their favour

The kind of love and submissiveness an average African man wants from his wife is quite different from what is obtainable in other parts of the world. I only see in movies that a wife would talk back at the husband, scream at him, refuse an errand and even slap him when she is provoked. This things are totally unbelievable.

A man would wish a wife who wakes early, cook good meal, care for the home, makes food ready before the man is back from work, cleans the whole house, care for the children, wash dishes, gives good sex, apologizes quickly for her wrong doings and trembles if the man raises his voice in unhappiness.

But these seem to be old fashioned. 

Modern ladies wake up earlier than the husbands, and may leave for work before the man. Sometimes she will make breakfast available, and other times she will just rush out and may not come back till around 6pm (18hrs), after the man must have been back two hours earlier.

And when they come back, they may come back home with work, so after a brief nap, they continue with work at home, having taken lunch in the office canteen or from an office male friend. This puts much pressure on them, hence when there is a minor disagreement, they boldly face the man eye ball to eye ball and would even warn him not to add extra burden on them as they are going through a lot in office.

Ladies are no longer afraid of divorce, in fact a research I stumbled on some time ago has it that about 60% of married women especially in 3^rd world countries are only remaining in their marriages for the sake of their children.

Women no longer have time to care for the Children, the only care they have left is money, which they use to spoil the children.

 In fact, modern ladies are rich, and some times richer than the men.

At this point the woman is not dependent on the man’s income and sometimes both are even in competition to spoil the children with cash as the last resort to earn their love in the absence of supposed motherly and fatherly presence and care which the children have been deprived due to the their careers.

The seniority and headship gab between the man and the woman has been bridged by equality in social status and financial independence of modern women.

But there is always a way out, and the way out is LOVE.

The man and woman must redefine love and learn to practice it consciously.

 These are 5 secrets I suppose can help a man and woman maintain the spark in their marriage no matter what:

(1)   PSYCHOLOGICAL (EGOISTIC) ADJUSTMENT: most of the times the reason we don’t shift grounds is simply egoistic. Not that we are so angry or we don’t need peace. Both couple must consciously become friends who want to be happy always, so when there are issues, just decide to let go. Read Cute Relationship Quotes

(2)   SPECIAL LOVE/ROMANCE CALENDER: couples should sit down and remind themselves that they are first husband and wife before being staffs in an office, or parents, or millionaire or VIP and so on. Both should create a time to spend with each other preferably at least twice a month, take themselves out, sit down and wind down, laugh on each other's shoulders. if you are a modern man and you can't practice comedy for your wife, you must begin immediately. modern women want to laugh always. it's the truth. You may want to read 5 Sure Ways to Improve your sexual life

(3)   SURPRISE YOUR HOBBY WITH GIFTS: Both men and Women love gifts no matter their class. Periodical gifts and surprises remind her that you are the man and you care for her. Gifts make them feel like the baby we call them. How can a man stay a full year without a gift that his wife can point at. No matter how small and no matter how rich she is, a gift makes everyone happy. You may want to read My Husband No Longer Satisfy me on Bed

(4)   REFUSE HER OFFER TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITIES EXCEPT YOU HAVE NO OPTION:     If your wife is rich just like you or even richer than you, you will only begin to lose your respect when you begin to allow her take your responsibility. How can you allow a woman repair the family car, call electrician or plumber to fix things at home and she pays. Ones you allow this, you trade your right as a man and give room for equality. Yes she has money and can take care of a lot of things, but there are services in the family that are exclusively for the man. If there is no way out, collect her the money but do it yourself.

(5)   WOMEN MUST SEE THEIR WEALTH AS INSTRUMENT FOR SUPPORT NOT PRIDE:  As a woman, remember the oath of respect and transparency on your wedding day, also know that if your husband was richer, he would use the money to make you and the children happy, hence consciously ensure that you don’t allow your husband to feel insulted by the fact that you sometimes pay the bills and don’t allow the kids know that daddy does not have money. For example if you are to pay kids fees, give the money to your sweetheart to dispense to the children and be happy about it. Remember, there are so many wealthy women looking for any man to call husband.