Hello
My name is Peter. I am one of this one-leg-in and one-leg-out
type of Christian. Well, I’ve tried million times to put my two legs inside but
failed! I also tried to take my two legs out and failed as well. Well, that is
not the reason for this story.
I joined my current church over 7 months ago. I must
confess, my stay in this church is my longest stay in a particular church since
I came to this world. I am in my early 30s and you know, definitely, that my
mother must be pressing the green button, signaling; ‘go and marry, my son.’
I didn’t have any serious relationship before I joined my
current church. I seriously didn’t know what is was wrong. I must admit I am
this selective type of guy. Little things can turn me off. I am the only son
and my mother wants me to find a wife.
When I joined my current church, I noticed a beautiful lady
by the name Chioma. Chioma was pretty, tall, straight legs, fresh and spotless
skin with an amazing voice. Every gentleman in the church wanted Chioma but couldn’t
approach her because of religious settings and fear. A gentleman like me who
had many years of experience in the act of wooing a lady, it wasn’t an issue
for me. I only waited for the right time to strike!
Chioma was light in complexion and she knew how to make her
hair so much. She was in the choir and most times, led the praise worship. I
crushed on Chioma for 6 months and gave her signs that indicated my interest in
her. She observed too but was waiting for me to take that giant step to ask her
out.
Well, a bit about me: I am not a rich guy. I am only
comfortable but good looking. I can afford some basic things of life and I have
stable source of income. I live alone as a bachelor in a three bedroom
apartment.
Now, back to Chioma! When the time came, I asked her out and
she politely told me she was going to think about it. 3 days later, she called
me on phone to inform me that she had accepted me. I couldn’t believe it! I
screamed out of joy and promised to take good care of her. I told her straight
away that I wanted marriage and she indicated interest too. I was shocked! I
became the smiling type of guy!
Two months later, Chioma was to visit me for the first time!
We agreed she would come during the weekend. I was so happy. Two days before Friday,
my mother called and informed me of her intention to pay me a visit! She complained
of boredom. Her husband was no more. I accepted because I couldn’t have said no
to her request.
My mum arrived before Chioma! I was really happy that I told
my mum about the lady I wanted to marry. My mum was really happy to hear that
and wanted to meet her. Chioma’s beauty made everything to be so fast.
When Chioma arrived, she met my mum and my mum liked her
instantly. Chioma had this strong personality that made almost everyone to fall
in love with her. Her beauty was extra-ordinary. She agreed to spend the
weekend at my place. Remember, I am one-leg-in and one-leg-out type of Christian,
so I was also happy that I was going to have a taste of Chioma finally.
It was on a very beautiful Saturday afternoon, my mother was
enjoying herself, watching movie while I was busy with some business related
issues. Chioma was preparing Egusi soup for us all! She needed to appear like a
wife material, remember, my mum was around. Chioma made sure she bought
everything she needed to make the Egusi the best for us all.
Zoom! Few hours later, we were all set to consume almighty
Egusi with well-made Eba. I am not much of a bible student but I noticed my mum’s
facial reaction when she had her first taste which I ignored. It was after I
tasted the soup after my first swallow that I remembered the bible story of Lot
and the Pillar of Salt! Chioma’s Egusi soup that took her hours to prepare was
filled with the missing parts of the Pillar of Salt in the bible! I couldn’t believe
my tongue. You don’t get it? It was salt all the way! My mum abandoned the food
for us. The bible story of Lot and the pillar of Salt became clearer to me. It
was the food that made me understand the story very well. “Hell, no, I can’t
eat this.” I said to myself. Chioma apologized and started crying. I went
straight to her and cleaned her tears.
Love is really blind for real. I didn’t believe I could fall
for her tears! Well, I forgave her. I believed she was nervous…she was making
food for me for the first time and mum was around. I spoke to mum about the
whole drama and she allowed it to go too. Glory be to God she escaped my mum’s
mouth washing!
Zoom, night came! Chioma was to prepare beans. I really
loved beans, so I suggested she made beans and she gladly accepted.
Chioma made beans my worst nightmare. I preferred to be
chased by a masquerade in the dream than to have a taste of Chioma’s beans.
Now, can you picture the scene where David and Goliat fought? Remember the
stone David used to conquer Goliat? Yes, you can remember those stones, right?
Damn, I saw those stones inside the beans Chioma prepared for us to eat! We had
more of David’s stone than beans and I had pity on my mum who kept picking
stones out from her plate.
Funny enough, I allowed this to go away again and my mum
looked at me with this in her mind: “my son, are you alright? Is she from Benin
but lied to come from Imo state?” She didn’t need to ask me, I knew what was in
her mind.
It was when I saw Chioma washing the rice she wanted to
prepare for us on Sunday morning with soap that I knew I used to be finished before
but now completely finished! I screamed ‘Blood of buhari!’ and asked her;
“Chioma, what are you doingggggggggggggg?”
“I am washing the rice…I want to ensure there is no sand and
no chemical left in the rice, baby.”
I fainted!! When I regained consciousness, I asked her to go
home before she killed my mum! Three weeks later, she never stopped calling my
line. I stopped going to the church. She kept sending me text messages. “I am
no longer interested bikoo! I no dey do again,” I said to myself but never had
the power to say it to her face. Is it by force? But Chioma didn’t stop
disturbing my life. Finally, I accepted her back and we made sweet love! I couldn’t
believe it. My mum has been crying since then. I knew I was finished when I
told her ‘cooking is not a must for every woman. We will hire a cook to make
our food.’ I knew my village witches had won the battle over my life. Maybe,
they are currently twerking to a nice beat as I complete this story because
Chioma is currently pregnant. Pray for me, brothers and sisters.
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